Four years ago, I released “If I Were Him” with two official versions. Same core song, two different feels. The original version carries an extended ending that lets the emotion sit a little longer. Looking back, the whole thing started because I kept noticing people who didn’t know their own worth. They were staying in situations that kept hurting them, even when they could already see it wasn’t right.
You know the person you’re with continues to show you pain, yet leaving still feels harder than staying. One line still hits me the hardest every time I hear it:
“Do you think it’s easier to hurt and stay or leave behind what you know won’t change?”
That’s the essence of it. It’s about recognizing when something isn’t going to change and deciding you’re worth more than the hurt that comes with staying. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the leaving itself: It’s believing you deserve something better in the first place. We get used to the pain we already know. Familiar hurt can feel safer than the unknown of walking away, even when the unknown is probably kinder.
The reason two versions exist is a little funny. I originally sent the idea to the same artist who sang “I Don’t Know the Words.” It took a while to hear back because the messaging app we were using had issues and delayed everything. By the time he responded, I had already started working with someone else. Long story short, I ended up recording with both artists. One version is slower and more dramatic. It's the way I originally heard it in my head, carrying more of the emotional weight, plus that extended ending. The other (the Alt. Version) is faster and more pop. The Alt. Version has always been a favorite of mine, but the original still feels closer to the pain I wanted the song to carry
I hope anyone who has been in that situation hears it and realizes there’s better out there. You’re worth more than being treated awful. That simple truth is why the song still matters to me four years later. Music can say the things we already know deep down but have a hard time saying out loud to ourselves.
One of my favorite reactions came from Spiderhands Reviews. After listening, he just said, “D@mn Dude."
“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of them. Memories need to be shared.” — Lois Lowry
“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but learning to start over.” — Nicole Sobon